Yep, I know, I suck.  It's been what 14 months since my last post? 

And today, well you know what?  I just don't like the person I've been lately, I have a short temper with my now 3 year old, and frankly I feel like a bully in hindsight.  I feel like I'm overparenting and micromanaging.  Having said that I know I'm doing it in a lot of ways to try to keep L contained enough that I don't have to hear DH bitch about him.   And H (and L) really aren't getting the attention that they deserve from me.  Most of the time I feel like I'm giving negative attention or ferrying them around from place to place.  I wish there was a way to get everything done without sacrificing my time from them, so that I could be more relaxed and positive while with them.  I feel so snowed under all the obligations and responsibilities, that I just become a stressed, negative and demanding pushy person.

We're rarely at home during the week, and rarely get to enjoy being home, we seem to only be here when things are falling into such a state of disaster around the place the all hell will break loose if things don't get done, or if people are sick, which means no one wants to be sociable.

I had a fender bender back in September, which made me sick with worry and then a couple months later was informed that it had been deemed mutual fault and therefor both parties were to make their claims to their own insurers and then that was the end of it.  The whole thing had been so stressful and miserable that when I got that news (over the phone) that i trashed all of my paperwork dealing with it, so that I'd never have to come across it again.  Long story short, we got a letter from a recovery company today.  I feel sick again and DH is pissed at me again, and more so now since I discarded the paperwork (and yes I realise that was a dumb move, but I needed to do that then!!)

In addition to these things DH hasn't slept in the same bed as me on a regular basis for pretty much our whole marriage since he says I snore too much. 

I went to a workshop today on developing child friendly playspaces for the community, and we all discussed some of our most memorable play experiences as kids, and I know I'm not giving my kids the chance to experience anything more memorable than errands, classes and discipline, and I worry that I'm fostering an environment for fearful, inhibited, stressed kids.

I'm an extremely opinionated person, and I seem to be losing control of when not to say things, and realise in hindsight too frequently that something I've said was regrettable and could be construed as hurtful, or rude.

I'm feeling pretty lonely, stressed and like a crappy parent and person.

 

So things have been slightly crazy here at Chez G.  The reno's that started in September are finally mostly done, including the finishing touches, the floor didn't come up that nicely, in the next couple of years we'll get all the wood sanded back and refinished which will hopefully do the job.  The new French doors & frames also need painting.  Other than that there is still a new door to put into the pool house to line up with the deck.  Chances are that I'll leave the painting for the painters that we hope to get in to do the ceilings this year, and the door won't be done for another 6 weeks, just in time for winter.

Last weekend we celebrated our sons 2nd birthday with friends & family, it was really nice to see everyone together, I wish we could get them all together more often, it seems to take so much work though.

Speaking of work we (I) jumped off the cliff and got another pup to add into the menagerie.  I figured any puppy is going to take work and if we're going to have more kids I do not want to be dealing with a puppy & newborn at the same time.  He doesn't sleep overly well at night which is difficult, but I'm hoping it's just a phase.  I'd promise photos but photos just don't seem to be happening these days.

Quilting took a back bench over the last 3-4 weeks with the painting & baking and other things that we did to get ready for the party, but I picked up one 2 evenings ago, that I am hoping to sell in a few months.  I'm also gouing to have to get the fundraisers ones done up soon.  Unfortunately the shop that I've been going to for supplies, help etc over the last 4-5 years is closing in 3 weeks so I've got to get certain things that I can only do there done before that happens.

What can I say?  I'm sure I could come up with a myriad of excuses, but when it comes right down to it, life gets in the way and I am a slacker when it comes to many things, including keeping blogs up to date.

One of these days things might change - oh who am I kidding?!

Anyways.  It's finally sunny today after 3-4 days of dismal rain.  About an hour uphill, they had 306 mm of rain in 24 hours!!  That's two years worth of rain for that area, all in one day.  Pretty imprssive, eh?

Other stuff, L is currently calling out from his room for me, where he was put for an early nap, since the whining was getting out of control.  He desperately needs to give away some toys since he has far too many, they are currently strewn around most of the house.  Raffi is singing Baby Beluga in the kitchen where I am debating emptying the dishwasher and taking the slightly pungent garbage downstairs.  I also want to make some granola 

Lexi has commandeered the sunbather on the deck... 

I've been quilting like a mad woman and need more materials - I think. I have to dive into my cedar chest and see if I have anything I can use for the batting & backing on a quilt for my mum as fundraiser for a specialty dog show for this coming July.  Other things that have disappeared from their usual roosts since before our trip to the great white north, my extra cards, including my gym card, and scarily enough, our video camera.

There's a stack of people I know who are preganant and due in May, I'd love to make/knit something personal for all of them but the numbers of babies is daunting.

Lots of things currently on the slacking list!  I'm being pulled in too many directions and have no motivation - great mix!

Lots of progress lately.

Finished both of my knee high stripey socks; Seaman's Scarf; Pink girl's cardigan now has buttons; DH's second boring grey sock is on the needles; L's 2nd Brambly hedge quilt is ready for binding; the last border is being cut & stitched onto the blue & green log cabin.  Photos to come

So before the business products get started, I have one sock to finish, the binding to put on the BH quilt and the border & basting on the Log Cabin, which I am dropping off to someone else to quilt on a machine since it is Massive. It'll cost a little, but the stress & time saved will make it well worth it

I'm excited to be so close to finished these projects so that I can move onto attempting to generate income from creating things.  I hope that it is succesful.

 

On another note it's my father's birthday today, last year L & I were home to celebrate it with him & mum, this year we were out and about and didn't get home until just before midnight their time.  We had a quick conversation, punctuated with L screaming because he bashed himself in the face with his own phone. 

It would have been nice to be home this past week, the girls had a drunken weekend at the lake, which I've missed every year since it's inception, and while I was within driving distance last year, L was too young to foist upon my parents for that length of time.

I'm not sure where we'll be next year, but if everything goes according our plans there may be another little one on the way, so chances are pretty high that next year will be out too.  Someday I hope to be able to join them, it's not an easy feat considering the distance.

There are days that I despise my husband.  This is one of them.  I ask him to do two things, help me with this attempt to structure things better by drying the dinner dishes and to put things where they belong after they are used and he tells me that he doesn't think he should do that since he feels he does so much already and there is an inequality.  You might ask, what does he do?  The answer, he works outside the house and brings in the only income.  You're thinking, what else?  The answer, very very little else.  He doesn't cook, at all, as in if there is something to be barbequed, I get to prepare it.  He doesn't clean, oh my mistake, he'll unload the dishwasher once in a while, and turn it on once in a while.  What else?  On a regular basis, he mows the lawn & looks after the pool and the fishtank.  That is it - yet in his eyes there's an inequality, he attempts to make me feel like a lesser person because he makes money. There are days that I despise my husband.

The night before last shortly after writing my last post Lachlan woke up coughing so hard that he threw up.  Lovely, a full bottle of curdled milk plastered all over his head and bed.  So he & I had a shower and I got to do laundry.

Yesterday, DH visited his parents, L & I stayed home, because I didn't want to spread the germs.  So we reorganised his toys, I tried to get him a bit more interested in his racetrack, unfortunatly he wasn't impressed and spent much of the day whining.  In between the whining I called a few of my friends & caught up, which I've been lax about, and I did a couple of mountains of laundry. 

 All the while I pondered how BIG families manage their time, since I do such a poor job of it myself.  I've read flylady and never found anything useful for my own life.  So last night I searched for info for large families and found this great resource site for large families. While we only have the one child atm, and have no intentions of having a huge family, but I feel that's no reason not develop more structure & manage my time a bit better. 

Time for me to go do some chores  Wish me luck.

Fiji was amazing, we spent 9 days there.  We got back 2 weeks ago, it seems so long ago already.  The snorkelling was the really amazing part, I've been snorkelling on the Great Barrier Reef, in Rarotonga and a few other places,and for sheer variety I truly believe that Treasure was one of the best I've been to. 

 We saw damsels galore, a few stunning angels and many not as stunning, butterflies, foxfaces, hawks, cleaner wrasses, other wrasses, clowns - these were weird everyday that we saw clowns it was a diferent species from the previous days sightings, parrotfish, goatfish, gobies, tangs, blennies, including my favorite bicolour blennies, I saw a Moray Eel, a ray, Hubs saw a white tip reef shark, which made him very uncomfortable.   What else, puffers, flying fish - and we got lucky and even saw a couple fly - they sure so get some mileage!  The corals were massive, the anenomes were sparse but they were a fair size where we did see them, and there was generally a couple in each place which were well lookied after by a bevy of clowns.  I saw a neat little file fish when I least expected to... I think that's it..

Our days were spent snorkelling, swimming in the pool or ocean with L, playing in the sand with L, L also discovered the joys of feeding the local ground birds and the fish.  We spent so much time in the water, either the ocean, pool or shower washing off the humidity or salt.  We got some quickie massages that were lovely and consumed a great deal of alcohol for us, usually one drink or so a month.. I know we're getting old & boring!  Had a yummy cocktailcalled Beyond the Reef- Tia Maria, fresh banana & cream.

Since we got back L's drippy nose has expanded to a cough and more, which I finally managed to catch too, so as of today we're on antibiotics since it has progressed to the lack of appetite, fevers and green mucous stage.  

Last week L & I had a full week including a new playgroup just down the street which was quite lovely until L slipped on the ladder going up the slide and gave himself a fat lip & bloody mouth.  We also started swimming lessons again, which went so well it was so nice to see L having such a fabulous time!!

The day to day life has been busy, but in the general scheme of things nothing extra is being done.

I've been working on my quilt again, only to have my sewing machine start jamming every 30 stitches, thread breaking and skipping stitches.  Other than that I've been going to the gym everyday, lost a little motivation ove rthe last few days but I'm still going.  Mark is away for the next couple of days, so L and I have the place to ourselves.  It's getting cold again, winter is coming around again. 

Is in serious consideration.  I am very excited by that prospect!

places I would want to see...

• Metropolitan Museum of Art 
• & The Musuem of Modern Art tie at the top of my list
• Int'l Museum of Photography
• The Frick Collection
• American Folk Art Museum

and then the required must sees since we'd be tourists who may never return

• Empire State Building
• Statue of Liberty
• Times Square
• Central Park
• Grand Central Station
• Carnegie Hall
• Guggenheim Museum
• St Peters Cathedral
• Walk across the Brooklyn Bridge

calendar of events  looks like I should brush up on my Art History!

anything I've missed?

Sorry, wrote something last night and bloody comp ate it. Couldn't motivate myself to write anything more that night, since I was feeling very under the weather.

I'm becoming a gym rat, finally!  I so need this, since I'm not in the slightest way built like a gym rat atm. 

I've finished knitting the second Noro sock, so it's ready to be stitched up.  I picked up Hubs black & grey variegated again last night and got past the cuff and five rows into the body, small guage dpn's + learning knitter = copious amts of time. 

DH & I are looking at possibly taking a side trip to NYC, TO or Cleveland during our stay in NA during the festive season, I'm leaning towards NYC because of the culture, but will have to wait & see how things blend together.  We are also planning my bday trip for the first week of June to Fiji - Treasure Island to be exact.  Should be an exciting travel filled year, I only hope that we are as lucky as we have been in the past, no major losses of luggage etc.